Respectful relationships
If you are in a relationship with someone and they are constantly trying to dominate or control what you do, such as:
- Telling you who to have as friends.
- Telling you what to wear or criticizing your appearance.
- Telling you when to go out.
.. this is not healthy, it’s abusive behaviour. It’s never OK.
In abusive relationships the different forms of abuse are used as a form of control, including threats to harm if a boy/girlfriend doesn’t do as they say. Many people stay in abusive relationships because they blame themselves for the abuse, or sometimes they don’t even realise that the behaviour is abusive. Sometimes they think things will get better. Unfortunately in most cases, the abuse only gets worse.
Often things like alcohol, drugs, provocation, religion and even cultural beliefs are used as excuses for abusive behaviour. But the truth is there is NO excuse for being abusive and trying to excuse the behaviour is as wrong as the behaviour itself.
Examples of abusive behaviour in a relationship include:
- Name calling and swearing/abusing you to make you feel bad
- turning around every argument/ disagreement so that it’s always your fault, never theirs
- threatening to hurt or kill you or someone close to you – or threatening to hurt themselves if you don’t do what they want you to
- Cyber-bullying/sexting – using technology or social media to harass, intimidate or threaten you.
- Forcing or pressuring you to engage in sexual activity, including posing for sexually explicit photos.
- Stalking
- Direct physical contact – pushing, shoving, choking, pulling hair, kicking etc.
- Indirect contact such as deliberately placing objects in your path to hurt you, or placing you in situations that will cause you harm.
- Damaging your property
- Pressures or forces you to use drugs, alcohol, cigarettes.
It is important to identify acts of verbal and emotional abuse. This is FDV and often ‘warning signs’ for more severe forms of violence down the track.
If any of these signs are like something you are experiencing, you probably feel sad, hurt and alone. You may feel like it’s your fault; like you can’t talk to anyone about it or afraid that you will get hurt if you tell anyone what’s been happening. You need to understand that it’s not OK to be treated like this and there is help available.
Are you worried about the things happening in your relationship? Or worried that your behaviour is getting out of control? Check out the following quizzes:
What do respectful relationships look like?
A respectful relationship is built on a foundation of trust, respect, compromise, and understanding for one another and being comfortable in each other’s company. An abusive relationship occurs when one person dominates, bullies and controls the other on almost everything.
Obsessive jealousy can often be mistaken for love, but it is an underlying form of control and possessiveness. If you respect and trust each other it shouldn’t matter who you talk to or hang out with.
Respectful relationships include:
- respecting each other’s feelings, opinions, and friendships
- having fun together
- feeling comfortable and at ease with one another
- being free to be yourself
- being able to disagree without feeling intimidated
- being able to spend time away from your relationship without negative consequences
- being able to say no when you don’t want to do things, including sex.