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How you might feel

It can be a real shock to find out that one of your friends has been abused by a partner or family member. Some things your friend tells you may seem too awful to be real, or so bad you just can't imagine a person doing that to them. It is natural to feel shocked as well as angry, sad and scared.

It is VERY unlikely your friend has made up what they are telling you. They are telling you because they trust you. Believe what they are saying. Support your friend by listening and encouraging him/her to seek support from an adult they trust, even if this is only over the phone.

There is a list of useful contact numbers on this website.

The strong feelings (like shock, fear and anger) you have in response to what your friend has told you can be overwhelming, which is why it is important to seek support for yourself, as well as your friend. It might be helpful for you to talk to an adult you trust about your concerns, or call one of the numbers listed on this site. Seeking support will help you feel better and will also mean you can support your friend in a safe and caring way.

 		 

Hannah's story

"There is a kid at my school who doesn't talk much, he never hangs around with anyone ... a real loner. One day I got the courage to talk to him and we got to know each other a little more over the coming days. One day he came to school and didn't even speak to me. I kinda knew something was bothering him so I went to him and said 'nothing is so bad you can't talk to a friend about'.

He asked me about my family and if we were happy or not, I said we were OK, just like any other family. He said that not all families were happy, some were horrible to be part of and that his family was not happy like mine. He told l me about his mum and dad fighting all the time and how things would get thrown around the house and smashed, lots of yelling and screaming and that it felt like hell. I was so shocked, I couldn't imagine a family like that and it made me think about how some families might not be a happy or safe place to live.

I asked him if he felt like talking to an adult like a youth worker or counsellor about his situation and next day I went with him to talk to the school counsellor. We are the best of mates now and hang out all the time. Justin often reminds me that if I hadn't offered my friendship and support he might not have ever told anyone about what was happening in his family. This makes me feel great to know that it didn't take that much to help a mate."