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DCD HOME > youthsayno home > worried about someone> what can i do to help?
What can I do to help?

Approach your friend in a sensitive and caring way, be thoughtful and tell your friend that you are really worried about what is going on. Say why you are worried, such as, 'I've noticed you don't come out with us any more, now that you are going out with.'

Some examples of how to help your friend:

  • listen to and believe your friend, even if it is difficult
  • encourage your friend to talk to an adult they trust
  • let your friend know you think they are brave to be able to talk about their situation
  • let your friend know that the abuse is not their fault and that they don't deserve it. (sometimes people experiencing abuse believe they are causing it to happen, because the abusive person tries to justify their actions by blaming the victim)
  • let your friend know that they are not alone, and that this sort of thing happens to lots of young people.

Try and avoid:

  • gossiping about what your friend has told you. But remember that seeking help from a trusted adult or professional or calling one of the numbers on this website is not gossiping - it's a good idea
  • suggesting that your friend is causing this to happen. Remember it is never the fault of the person experiencing the abuse. Encourage them to talk to a trusted adult about their situation
  • confronting the abusive person because this can be dangerous. Instead, tell an adult or someone you trust about your concerns
  • working out the 'reasons' for the abuse. Instead, focus on supporting your friend to be safe
  • giving advice or telling your friend what they should do. Giving your friend information is more helpful so that they can make their own decisions.

For young people living with family and domestic violence or dating violence it can be really ‘full-on’. Your support can make a difference.

 

 		 

Luke's story

"Every night after school was the same, everyone in the house anxious about dad coming home, not knowing if he would be in a good mood or a bad mood, trying to think of things to do to make him happy. Mum still wearing the bruises from the night before when dad went ballistic and started laying into her over nothing. I get angry with her sometimes because she just puts up with what dad dishes out without saying anything.

One day I'll teach dad a lesson and he'll think twice about treating us this way, I swear. I keep what's happening at home to myself, it's so embarrassing and if dad found out I said anything he would go mad. But it's hard sometimes. I see the other kids going to each other's houses and I know I could never invite anyone back to my house. I get asked to go along sometimes but I can't, I have to get home and help mum to prepare for dad's arrival home, she relies on me to help her. My friends don't ask me out as much any more, I think they are sick of me saying no all the time. I just want a normal family. Is that too much to ask?

One day at school, out of the blue, one of my friends took me aside and asked me what was wrong. He said he was really worried about me and that anything I told him would be kept in trust, he wouldn't go telling every other kid at school. I didn't know what to say at first but then he said. 'Listen Tom. Nothing's ever that bad that you can't share it with a mate', and you know what.he's right. Once I could share some stuff with him I started to feel so much better, I'm even ready to talk to a professional about my situation so I can get some information to help me decide what I can do'."